her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
