I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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