I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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