waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
