hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
