I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
