I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
