you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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