i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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