She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
