just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
