I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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