i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
