I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He better not be in your backpack
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
