my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
