he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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