I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
