Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
