my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
