Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
