Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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