My nipple is on Facebook.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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