your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
