Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
