she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
