Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
