I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
