Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
