If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
