The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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