Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I believe in your delicious
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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