I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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