wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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