She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
