I should be sponsored by Trojan
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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