You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
