I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
