I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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