wakey wakey hands off snakey
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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