yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
