brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im six kinds of drunk right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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