listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
