Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
