Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
