Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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