u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dicks are not precious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
