You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
