I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
