So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
