Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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