My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
